Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
