Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
