I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Enjoy the penises
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
