I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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