I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
