While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
