great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
