a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
