When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
