im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
