I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
