I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
