I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
