WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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