Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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