I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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