lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
40s are totally the cure
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
