It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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