I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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