So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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