he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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