I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
