Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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