guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
