So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
