Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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