I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sober January is a disaster.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
