I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
