You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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