This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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