Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
how drunk are you?
Several
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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