Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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