But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
