Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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