i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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