We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
