just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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