you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
