Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm both gender and math confused
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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