Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
