So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
