i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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