There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
