uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
