My sheets look like a crime scene.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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