please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
