dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
