Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.