filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem