Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not