Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask