morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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