you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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