honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My life is pants optional.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
