when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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