Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
