Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
