So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
