Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
