..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
