two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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