At least make sure they are 18
Why
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
