I wish I could punch you in the face.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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