I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
