the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
