he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
