I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize