wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
