don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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