uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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